Lil Spill

March 2004 Archive

Wednesday, March 31, 2004

I’ve got nothing today that is really funny. I went out with Lee’s dad last night. Lee is to his dad what larry Flint is to Ghandi. Lee’s dad is so nice and so kind.He works with the mentally retarded, handicapped, and the elderly. The fruit fell far from the tree. I pryed a little into Lee’s backround wanting to discover what makes him so over the top. And wa la!! Eureka! It seems that Lee’s mom had a few bloody Mary’s the night before he was born. Vodka + tobasco = Lee They should put that as a warning on liquor bottles. Happy Birthday Lee
Jacqui and I were having a conversation today about a movie I had viewed, “Pimps Up Hos Down” Well to my surprise she had seen this movie too. Their key marketing line is: “Pimps Up Hos Down A Pimpumentary” A must see. Houseboy says it’s a classic.
Well today I have so much going on that I can’t even muster any good tales. I’m sure some shit will piss me off tomorrow so I’ll write about it. Happy Birthday Lee

posted by Liliana @ 6:51 PM

Tuesday, March 30, 2004

KJ a bartender from Tampa just sent me this e-mail entitled ” Duties of a Women”
Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had set their new
wives straight on their duties.

The first man had married a woman from Pennsylvania.
He bragged that he had told his wife she was going to do all the dishes
and house cleaning that needed done at their house. He said that it took a
couple days, but on the third day he came home to a clean house and the
dishes were all washed and put away.

The second man had married a woman from Ohio.
He bragged that he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the
cleaning, dishes, and the cooking. He told them that the first day he didn’t
see any results, but the next day it was better. By the third day, his house
was clean, the dishes were done, and he had a huge dinner on the table when
he came home.

The third man had married a Florida girl. He boasted that he told
her he wanted his house cleaned, dishes washed, cooking done and laundry
washed. And this was all her responsibility. He said the first day he
see anything and the second day he didn’t see anything but by the third day
some of the swelling had gone down so he could see just a little out of his
left eye!

Gotta love those Florida Ladies! “

Very funny. You know what is funny about this, I received an e-mail from Lee this morning. The crap in it isn’t important. But I wrote him a full page letter back stating that I am an empowered women and nobody stands in my way. I even called myself a ” motherfucking powerhouse.” So even though I would never hit a man ” Like the Florida women in the little story above. (not very lady like.) Don’t stand in my way!! AND DO YOUR OWN GOD DAMN DISHES!!!
Too much coffee today. I’m sure, I’ll be doing everyone’s dishes tonight.

posted by Liliana @ 1:16 PM

Monday, March 29, 2004

On a personal note. Jackson’s dad bought him 3 beta fish. So he brings them back to my house with the instructions that they can not come in contact with each other or they will kill each other. ” Mommy they’re killers.” The tank he bought for them is so small they have absolutely no room to swim ( since the tank has 3 compartments) Everyone who knows me knows that I am an animal lover and it is now torturing me to have these fish in an inadequate tank. God damn it. What I don’t have enough stress? Now I have to worry about these damn fish!!!
I am going to San fransisco in the next two weeks and Denver. Wish me luck.

posted by Liliana @ 1:30 PM

Sunday, March 28, 2004

How many days does it take to recover from jet lag? The desert safari: This was an incredible experience. Our driver was a first timer. We were 4 wheeling and he kept getting stuck in the sand. The second time we got stuck in the sand the car was literally verticle to the sand. Very scary getting out of the car while it was in that postion.

The desert was remarkably peaceful. So beautiful, it was the Arabian desert. After spending the day 4 wheeling and admiring the scenery they take you to a camp out in the middle of nowhere. It was great. We wore the traditional muslim outfits. We ate incredible food. We saw a bellydancer (she was phillipino). And we smoked the hooken (I don’t know how to spell it or pronounce it). That was interesting. It smelled very much like vanilla. I can’t tell you how incredible this experience was. Sitting in the desert in the middle east and feeling very peaceful.

So the big pow-wow. We got back to the hotel and had to quickly change and finally meet, “The Money Guy” There is always the big fish in every group. Well we hadn’t met him yet but that night was the night. We were picked up by Avi, our main contact, and brought to the Burj Al Arab (literal translation; Towers of Arabia) This is a hotel that supposedly has a 6-star rating. Supposedly it is the only hotel in the world to achieve this honor. This hotel was incredible. You go over this bridge that is lit up with different colored lighting and you get to the main entrance. At the front of the hotel they have Bentleys just sitting there in case a guest needs a car. When you walk in, the lobby is decorated very eclecticly and the walls are huge aquariums with colorful fish swimming everywhere. Very impressive. They also have a restaurant that is below sealevel. Eating while veiwing the underworld.

So we are escorted by Avi to this cigar lounge. Very upscale as you can imagine. A group of 4 men are sitting at a table looking very stern. When I say stern I mean it was like walking into the movie The Godfather. I half expected for people to be kissing somebodies ring. And it wasn’t mine. OK we get introduced and the “Money Guy” is a man named Rashid . In a similar fashion to Marlon Brando in The Godfather, he kept very quiet, listening and checking me out. Probably about 15 minutes in Rashid spoke. He addressed me. “I read your column. Did you find a rich sheik?” That was the ice breaker. It ends up that Rashid went to school in Austin and his english is better then mine (not hard). He told a few very funny stories and some very sad stories. He told us about being in a London airport when 9-11 happened. He was in a cafe/airport bar and everyone’s eyes were peeled on to CNN. A few minutes into watching what had happened he turned around and realized everyone was looking at him, he said the only thing that came to mind was saying ” Those Damn Arabs.” When he told this story we were all laughing but the truth is it’s not funny. And it wasn’t funny that innocent people are stereotyped and feel like outcasts because of the acts of a few fanatics. Let’s move on.

The conversation turned to business and the reality of Coyote Ugly opening in Dubai. My idea of making a line of Coyote Ugly dish/dash or abiyahs, was taken well by some and criticized by others. As long as it did not offend anyone, how cool would it be to have the bouncers in traditional robes with Coyote logos on them?

By the way, I almost forgot. They have better and more current radio there then in New Orleans. I couldn’t believe it. All they play is American music. So we talked about bands that come to Dubai. Rashid was funny, he turned down an opportunity to bring Nickelback to one of his hotels. He said at that point he had never heard of them. He said they came and grossed millions of dollars (someone else made a lot of money on that). So what started out to be a bad scene from a movie ended really well. If we don’t do business I hope to at least keep in contact with these guys. Really smart, really personable, and very kind. We will all meet again.

Now to end my story, ALITALIA SUCKS!!! If I ever go back again, I’m flying with some other airline. Now back to business here. “Aaron and Chantel, let’s work on Friday nights!!! The end!

posted by Liliana @ 1:20 PM

Saturday, March 27, 2004

“Kevin we are having drinks on a veranda looking over the Persian Gulf” Pretty surreal. Did you know that Absynthe is legal in Dubai? Well it is. One of our hosts played a joke on Kevin and bought him a shot. Later on we found out that it was really a shot of sambuca. People have been asking me ” do they hate americans? Is it very violent over there?” The answer is no. In fact most of the people we had meetings with were born in Dubai but educated in the states. And the closest thing to violence was an incounter with a bohemoth Australian girl in the bathroom of a Japaneserestaurant/nightclub. This girl, very very big, was putting on makeup. There was a long line for the rest room. She says to the line ” when I’m done I’m cutting the line cause I have to go” Usually men are like this. You know “the I’m bigger then you bully” type. Well you know my luck, I get up to the front of the line and she finishes her makeup. She looks at me. Before she could say a word, I say “I don’t care who you are, I’m going first” She was shocked. But with grace she went to the back of the line. That would of sucked if she kicked my ass. ” Just not the face.” My best talent, reading people.
I will finish this later. Lee’s dad is in town. Maybe he can fill me in on what happened to Lee

posted by Liliana @ 8:04 PM

Thursday, March 25, 2004

I am so excited. Kevin and I are going on a desert safari. Part of this is sand boarding ( close relative to snow boarding), camel rides, 4 wheeling on sand dunes and day time fun. At night you watch sunset on the desert which is supposed to be very beautiful, a lot of traditional food, and the best of all belly dancers!!
Last night we went out for a traditional Lebanese meal. It was awesome. Then we headed to a few clubs by the beach. We had a very good time. But let me go back in time. I was getting ready to go out and Kevin said that my dress was too revealing. I changed 4 times before I was greeted with approval by Kevin. What met with his approval was black jeans and a black long sleeved sweater. I was completely covered. ” Lil, this is a different culture, show respect.” Well that being said, I was the most dressed woman out. At the clubs the women were dressed in miniskirts, cut off shirts, tube tops. So the phrase overdressed really meant something for me.
As far as the US embasy closing, we haven’t felt any change here. The people have been so kind to us and we haven’t felt any heightened danger. But thanks to a few of my friends who called and were worried for me. Love You Guys. ( so far Jeff’s plan isn’t working) I’m still president!!!

posted by Liliana @ 4:30 AM

Wednesday, March 24, 2004

28 hours!! That is right it took us 28 hours to get here. The Dubai airport is unbelievably clean and very modern. It was the best customs experience I have ever had. Very organized, quick. Thank god because I was not feeling so hot after our trip. This city is immaculately clean. And the people have been very kind and helpful. I have my first meeting in 2 hours and I have only slept 4 hours in the last 36. I’ve got to muster the last bit of charm I have. Today should prove interesting. They have asked us to assess whether Coyote can work here. I am very interested to see the clubs tonight. As westernized as this city is, it still holds a predominately muslim feel. The women are very modestly dressed (believe me I had to search my closet for modest clothing). I could hear the singing of morning prayers at 5 am. It was strangely peaceful.

A lot of money in this city. Marble in the airport. Supposedly the United Arab Emirates is one of the wealthiest countries in the world. Maybe I’ll bring myself home a sheik. They have camel racing, I have to see this!!! I will take loads of pictures. To go back to the dress code again. I never realized how Ho like I dress!! Just finding a shirt that didn’t show cleavage or show off my mid drift was difficult. I’ll try and update my Spill as often as possible. (We flew directly over Baghdad. That freaked us a bit).

posted by Liliana @ 2:06 AM

Sunday, March 21, 2004

So Tony just called a friend who is a journalist that specializes in middle eastern countries. He said that Dubai is incredible. He said not to worry, just have fun. Now I am officially excited. The beaches are supposed to be beautiful and they have some of the best restaurants in the world. I love to eat (not wheat). Coyote Ugly Dubai, here I come.

Jeff is down in New Orleans. He’s been on a three day bender. I went down to the bar to meet him, he asked if we could get some business done. He is funny, Newcastle in one hand, legal documents in the other. It was a 4 beer meeting for him. Club soda for me. Nothing but love Jeff. Live it up. Every year he keeps moving further and further away from NYC. I think the cows make him very lonely (and thirsty).

My next Spill will be from Dubai!!!

posted by Liliana @ 8:56 PM

Today I will focus this Lil Spill on Austin. Right now South by South West is going on. It is a huge Music festival that lasts for 5 days. We have signed on with the promoters for this week to be a live music venue. Tonight I get a call from Marshall. He was a little shaken by something that had happened. The promoters had booked a woman whose (no fucking idea if it’s whose or who’s) whole schtick was a burlesque style act that used a lot of sexual vulgarity as the theme to her songs. Marshall actually said that some of her set was funny. Well Austin is in the south, bible belt and all, and some people were very offended by her. So one woman demanded her money back. She told Marshall he was going to hell. ( he told me that he already knows that but feels it’s no ones place to tell him). But I guess what shook him up was that she spat at him. Do you think god spits at people? I hate people like that. Get some fucking manners. If you don’t like the show, go somewhere else until the next band comes on. Shake it off Marshall. I’m sure that David Chapelle, Eddie Murphy, Betty Page all got spit on at some point in their careers. So you are in good company.

Did I ever tell you that the assistant manager in Austin’s last name is Beaver? Oh yeah. She e-mailed me saying that she has been mercilessly teased most of her life, now she actually thinks it is funny. Well to be perfectly frank when I speak to Marshall about her, I refer to her as the Beave. I was pleasantly amused today when I received an e-mail from her. She actually signs her e-mails Beave. I love that. You know what? She just went up a notch in my book. She can laugh at herself!! So important. (I had a girl in NY and her last name was Roach. We grilled her mercilessly for that. Behind her back. The Roach. That’s priceless.)

posted by Liliana @ 2:24 AM

Friday, March 19, 2004

The influx of people writing and just simply telling me I can’t spell is too great. Houseboy just wanted me to be aware that synonymous doesn’t use a p. This was my thinking; if a y comes after the s, and s is the first sound in the word, well it is likely that p comes before the s like in the word PSYCHO.
Was I one of the kids whom fell through the holes in the system. For god sakes I went to a Catholic high school and I went to NYU , a prestigious university. Did I just skate by with my charm and good looks? Why can’t I get spellcheck to work properly?
On another note, why the hell am I listening to houseboy? This is a man who uses the word ain’t and pimp in almost every sentence that comes out of his mouth. I must be about to get my period because I am genuinely upset that I can’t spell. And I know about my grammer issues. My rule of thumb; if there is a pause in the sentence, just throw a comma in. You know what , I’m not going to get down on myself. Jackson’s dad is a screenwriter and he spells worse then me. Every producer he works for comments on his poor spelling and grammer. He went to a Catholic high school too. And also NYU.
I’m uncovering the mystery. We should of saved the money and gone to public grade school. And we should of attended more classes in college. Jackson’s dad seems to have overcome the spelling issue because one of his films is in the Tribeca Film festival and he seems to always have work.
Now the real issue. How am I going to survive in the middle east without eating wheat. I have not eaten wheat in 5 years . I can’t be rude to our hosts and not eat what they offer. God damn it. PMS right when I’m about to take a 20 hour plane ride. Kevin and I on a plane for 20 hours. Don’t feel sorry for Kevin. It is uncanny. Every trip we take, he gets bumped up to first class. When we arrive at hotels he always gets the best room. It never fails.
Larry and Scooter I’ll speak with you later today. Fun, fun, fun!!!

posted by Liliana @ 11:19 AM

Thursday, March 18, 2004

Before you read the editorial below. It was not Sara who comped Paris and Nicole. It was the assistant manager, Larry and the ever present minority owner Scooter. They will both be receiving calls from me tomorrow. “Since you guys feel so free to give away the house’s money, well feel free to send me some flowers to make up for it. Sara too.”

posted by Liliana @ 7:21 PM

I just got an e-mail that Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie were at the Tampa bar. This is what really iritates me: Sara’s statement: “Comps will be high because we paid their tab.”

Ok I am getting angrier thinking about this. “Do you know how much money they have?” They shouldn’t be comped!! A good Coyote should take them for everything. My god why didn’t they get those rich girls to buy the whole bar a round? HILTON. That name is synonymous with bocu dollars!!! I have worked in clubs, high end places etc. I never understood this nightclub mentality of letting rich people get everything for free. Most promoters will tell you that they want the reputation that these rich people/ or celebrities come and frequent your place. They’ll say that it is good for business to have them in there. OK all I can say to that is: go give them free drinks at your club because at my bar everyone pays. How are Nicole Richie and Paris Hilton better then any other customers? The answer is they are not. Sara will call me today and say that they filmed at the bar and that is free exposure. Do you know what I say to that!! I say on film we should take them for everything they are worth. The show is about them trying to be part of normal soceity. Well normal people pay!!!

I came from nothing. I have worked all my life to get where I am. I love rich people, I aspire to be a rich person someday. But I didn’t get where I am today by giving things away for free. Tampa girls: If they come back to the bar, I want you to use sugar and spice and everything nice to make sure that those girls have at mininum a $500 tab (which they pay). Make it a personal goal to get as much money from them as possible.

posted by Liliana @ 1:34 PM

Tuesday, March 16, 2004

Well last night I took out the New orleans girls for a girls night out ( I know I owe NY and Austin nights out too). Let me tell the story in reverse chronological order:
Wendy: ” Oh my god I stepped on a rats head. Did I kill it?” She was very close to weeping at this point, animal lover and all.
Angel: ” Let me go step on it’s head and make sure we put it out of it’s misery”
It is too bad the night ended in death because we had a great time.
Now about a half hour before that, we were getting our second round of lap dances at the hustler club. Andrea and I were in unison, “if your going to get a lap dance, it’s got to be a girl with big boobs.” I say the bigger the better. Well we got this girl who was awesome. A real pro. All of us took turns going in the Lap dance section with this one girl. ” She made me wet.” were Andrea’s words. Personally , part of me thought she really wanted me. But I knew she was just toying with us. ” Girl ,who ever you are. You are one hell of a performer!.”
Now let us jump back 2 hours. Now I am so proud to report this. We bought Tara her first lap dance ever!!! It brings a tear to my eye. My little girl is growing up. It was a beautiful moment.
Right before that , one of the Coyotes was recounting her days as a stripper. Giving us all the heads up on what we should expect from our chosen lap dancers. She also told us how she managed to feel safe. “I got Both hands for victory. One with a bottle of mase. And the other with a bottle of alchohol.”
Jump 2 hours back. Eating a delicious dinner at Muriels . Drinking delicious wine. Speaking about the colloquisms of the native people. ” I’ll be at work FOR 8″ ( I don’t think I should make fun of anyone considering I can’t spell and I use commas because I think I should,)
Very fun night.
By the way, Thanks Romina. This is one of my NY girls ( foreign accent gets all the guys) She worked last night at the New orleans bar.

posted by Liliana @ 10:54 AM

Sunday, March 14, 2004

Kevin and I are starting to freak about our trip to Dubai ( United Arab Emirates ). Do you know how fucking close that is to Iran and Iraq? I just sent one of our hosts a letter asking if there is any particular protocol we need to observe as both foreigners and myself as a woman? What the fuck! You know what? Jeff set this up for us. It seems very peculiar that he is not going on this trip. Good for you Jeff. When I get abducted and enrolled in some illegal prostitution ring ( saw that in a movie about Dubai), who is going to run the company. You think Jeff wants to off me? Unfortunately Kevin is just a bystander in this little game. ( Jeff I’m only kidding, kind of) But yes the trip is in about a week and I am definitely freaking over it.
By the way I acknowledge that Dubai is very cosmopolitan and westernized. But look at a fucking map. I can’t help being concerned. I love wearing dresses but the dresses I wear show cleavage and a lot of thigh. Do you think Saks has a line of berkas ?

posted by Liliana @ 1:51 PM

Saturday, March 13, 2004

I was sent a letter today about the methods of getting autographs from celebrity band members. ” Joe you have this down to a science.” The thought that went into this is pretty hardcore. I would like to share this in case anyone else needs tips getting autographs.
The perfect plan is pretty basic, but very time consuming and very tiresome. It goes like this:
1. Know every band member.
2. Find out exactly where the tour busses are located.
3. Observe the security and try to pinpoint their weakest spots.
4.If there’s fences and/or trucks to block their passage to the tour busses, try to find a place to stand, preferably near the entrance to the special events center so that you can catch them on the way in or out. If there’s a crowd, don’t try to push through to the front. Just ease your way carefully. Occasionally you have to shove, just a little.
5. The most difficult part is the waiting. You must either arrive hours before the concert or wait long hours afterward. Pay no attention to the guards. They will tell you that the band has already left. Occasionally they’re telling the truth, but 9 times out of 10 it’s bullshit just to get the crowd moving.
6. Make sure your voice is in tact because you’re going to need it.
7. Once you spot a band member, scream his or her name out as loud as possible. It’s best to have your item in hand. Once they look your way, wave your item like mad. That’ll usually get them to walk over to you.
8. Reach out as far as you can to them if there’s a crowd, but don’t stick anything in their face. That’ll just annoy them.

I don’t know why I think this is so funny, but I do. Supposedly he has gotten autographs from very many band members from pretty high end bands. ” you are an excellent strategist, It’s all about patience
OK New orleans. Well Wendy and Angel I hope the lunch you were eating while people waited for drinks and music , was good. It will take a lot of fancy talking from Chantel and Aaron to get me to keep this eating policy in place after the shit I witnessed today!!!

posted by Liliana @ 9:25 PM

Friday, March 12, 2004

Jon, the new intern, just sent his resume. This is going to be fun. He is currently in school trying for a degree in Hospitality Management. He’s worked in many restaurants and listen to this, he is also a lifeguard. Coyote Ugly meets baywatch!!! You know what’s fun with all these new guys, they run on completely different principles then Coyote. He’ll come in and tell me he learned this, that, and the other thing in school, and I will tell him ” get over it, we do things this way and I’ll show you why it works.” “Jon just so you know there is a non-fraternization rule with the employees.” “Too bad for you, but I’m sure the girls will introduce you to there older, heavier sisters. So don’t worry, you’ll meet very nice girls. ( Or not so nice). “
Saturday day girls in New Orleans guess what I am the manager on duty that day. How fun. Money, money, money. And girls ” Dress for Success” . There’s a lot going on right now in the Coyote Ugly world. Top secret!

posted by Liliana @ 11:11 AM

Thursday, March 11, 2004

What is it about the work ethic of these girls? So let’s set up the scenario. I have invited 2 NY girls and one N. O. girl to a conference in Italy where I am the Keynote speaker. It is a 3 day trip all expenses paid by the company whom invited us. Well the Ny girls have decided to make this a 10 day vacation. Now normally I wouldn’t care about it. But these NY girls are constantly taking time off. I’m really tired of it. In my day, you never took time off. And if you did, it was a once a year vacation that you planned a year in advance. I haven’t taken a real vacation in 3 years. yes 3 years! When Jacqui was a bartender for me, she never took a vacation. I think she had worked 4 years for me before she ever took time off. Now I know that must seem excessive because I certainly do not expect people to never take a vacation. But it just reflects a different orientation toward work.
I can’t even speak about what a few of the New Orleans bouncers did. If I said I was pissed that would be too easy. Disgusted is more the emotion I feel. Let’s move on. It seems that we may have our very own intern. Some school, I assume it is not IV league , is going to give this guy credit for interning for us. Free labor. I love that. Kevin has about 100 things for this guy to do and then I get an e-mail from Lee about another 100 things he needs this guy to do. He will live and breathe Coyote Ugly for his summer vacation. I hope he’s 21. It will be so sad after a 14 hour day, that he can not accompany us to one of the bars for a few beers.

posted by Liliana @ 9:52 PM

Wednesday, March 10, 2004

The Bloody Mary’s at Pat O’s are delicious. But man the service sucks. We would order 2 at a time because we knew that it would take a really long time to get our next drink. But again the Bloody Mary’s are excellent. I got a little hungry and Aaron pointed out that there was a cucumber and stalk of celery in every drink. ” What that’s not good enough for you!!!” Oh we went to a few strip clubs. Wearing nothing but chaps is definitely sexy. Aaron seemed very taking with this look. I think that will be my new outfit for around the house. Hello Mr. Mailman!!
I just heard something funny last week. a regular from the NY bar said he was in another neighboring bar and the owner told him to order 2 drinks because the bartender was that slow. I thought that was hysterical. Did I tell you I love my new personal assistant. I was a bit embarassed at the state of my office. But she went in like a freight train and organized everything. I love that. Man there is some organization gene missing in me. I just don’t have it. My desk looks like a cyclone hit it.
Just so everyone knows, on Fat Tuesday, I made a deal with the New Orleans barenders that I would purchase a massage for the girl who rang the highest. Congratulations Andrea. Now I am also going to do it for the high ring for the entirity of Mardi Gras. Wendy, It’s all you. Angel you were so close.

posted by Liliana @ 3:52 PM

Tuesday, March 09, 2004

Today is a better day then yesterday, but not so good for the infringer in Croatia. This is Jeff’s last e-mail to me:
“So, remember we had an infringer in Croatia? Key word being “had”. Turns out that there was a Coyote Ugly and the owner pissed off the wrong people. A truck with a bomb in it was parked in front of it and detonated (after hours). No more Coyote Ugly in Croatia! “
I HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH IT! The next part of the letter was funnier. Jeff was amused that this incident saved us a lot of money with the trademark attorneys!! (” Debrauwere calm down, just a joke”)
I hired a new personal assistant, today is her first day. “please God let this work out!!” I have so much paperwork I feel like I’m drowning. Aaron and I have a date ( not a real date) later today to drink Bloody Mary’s and go to strip clubs. The last time we did this I was on my third Bloody Mary and he was on his ninth. I better eat a big lunch.

posted by Liliana @ 10:13 AM

Monday, March 08, 2004

Let me set the scene for how my day is going. Even from 2000 miles away, Lee can set me off. So picture this, we are IM ing each other for about an hour. Same bullshit; ” I would do it this way, well I would do it that way.” Blah blah blah. Well my son comes over and says ” mommy you can type so fast!” Well I realize when I am calm and happy I type around 25 words a minute. When I am IM ing and pissed off, ( because someone pushed my buttons) I can type about 75 words a minute. Well I get off with Lee and I have been doing paperwork, stuff that I hate but has to get done. Well Lee had told me to download this supposedly great song by Jamilia , Superstar. So I am doing this paperwork and this song is playing in the backround. Well I realize that the song ( kind of techno) is making me suicidal. Or maybe this is what people play before horrific acts like machine gunning people from a tower. Whatever. If I ever take my own life ( which will never happen) This is the song I will play to put myself in the mood.
I forgot to talk about the “Nina Leg Wrestling” It was a very creative idea the only flaw is that Nina doesn’t have the muscle to pull it off. I watched some girl crush her in a matter of 10 seconds. But at least the idea was good.

posted by Liliana @ 4:47 PM

Sunday, March 07, 2004

Laura from New Orleans, you are really doing a great job. I am proud of you. Keep it up. So last night I’m at the N.O. bar and the fire alarm goes off. First it seems as if it is a strobe light effect and then of course it sounds like an air raid. Well if that didn’t lose customers then the fire truck and firemen storming in did. Always something!! Lucas, bouncer , is so funny. I don’t remember what happened or what this was in context to, but all of a sudden he says to Shannon ” what is today, 1-800- blame a nigger day” Lucas is a 6ft 2 in black man And to hear him say this was quite funny. I will never forget about 2 or 3 months ago, Lucas was very depressed and I asked him what was wrong? I can’t tell you what upset him because that is personal. But I will say that the first 9 words out of his mouth came out of nowhere. And these words kept me chuckling for days. ” Lil, I was at a poetry reading last night.” Perhaps I am not sophisticated enough, but I don’t know anyone who goes out to hear poetry readings. Lucas is quite a character. He changes his hairstyle more then a woman changes her mind. I love him he’s great.
Tonight we have a new guy on. Supposedly he makes his living cage fighting. I asked Shannon about it and he says it is $800 win or lose . I’ve got to go see this. Coyote Ugly cage fighting. Maybe I’ll go pitch that to someone. ( hey new guy, let’s work on this!!)

posted by Liliana @ 5:19 PM

Saturday, March 06, 2004

Yesterday I get an e-mail from Lee “the Lee charm crosses oceans and overcomes language barriers.” It really is a work of art this Lee charm. I’ve never seen anything like it. Women flock to him like he is some ancient aphrodisiac. We can be in the fanciest restaurant and he will get passed a number from a woman. Low and behold, the only glitch is, if she is not a stripper currently she used to be one. Not that there is anything wrong with being a stripper. Some of my best friends are strippers. Just interesting that Lee won’t say one word and it is only these particular women who approach him. Well now he is half way across the world and the women of German are treating him like a prince. He loved this place he went to last night called the sage club. He said the people were so nice . Very helpful in the Coyote cause . He said they went out of their way to make him feel comfortable. I went on the web site. Pretty cool. Unfortunately, I do not read German. But really cool galleries. I want to thank Beatrice a friend of Lee’s. She actually worked at the NY bar for one month a long time ago. She is from Germany and has hooked Lee up with family members and made sure he knows all the hot spots and is never alone. Thank you Beatrice for taking care of my little boy. It’s so hard when they leave the nest. I have to commend Lee. I send him to a million different places and he is so good at networking, that he will have a circle of friends created before he even gets there. Good Luck Lee.
I’ve been keeping a low profile this week. I’m off to Vegas tomorrow. I just couldn’t go to Daytona this year. I’m still tired from mardi gras. Kevin is returning from minnesota today. That project seems to be going well. New guy is in Ft. Lauderdale scouting for me today. Beautiful day in New Orleans so I think I will grab the kid and go outside.

posted by Liliana @ 12:11 PM

Friday, March 05, 2004

So yesterday I bitched and now I feel like a schmuck. (I’m such a New Yorker). Aaron and his girlfriend came over for dinner last night. He brought me a lot of mail that had been sitting at the New orleans bar for me. I received 3 disks worth of pictures of the New Orleans and new york bar and one guy sent me a bunch of pictures in a photo album. The “spirit of giving “. I’m a new person now. Thanks for the pictures and the new lease on life. Peace and love for everyone. Let’s see if how long that lasts. So for a brief second I thought of giving up drinking for lent. Not that I’m religious but I thought I should do something. Well don’t worry people, I have realized that it would be a very poor business decision for me. I can’t turn down drinks in my own bar. Now that is sacriligious!! Now most of you think I am drinking everyday, but contrary to popular belief, I probably drink once a week. I’m a full time mom and that’s not cool. But sometimes that one day is a doozy. Now there are a few other things I can give up 1. shopping 2. working so hard. Well since I’m not that religious giving these up seems foolish. So I decided to buy my way into heaven. I’m not giving anything up, I’m just going to give extra to charity. I guess I could give up cursing. Fuck that!

So the New Orleans girls are irate over not being allowed to eat on their shifts. You know what girls. Let me explain to you that I have bartended since I was 17 years old. That means about 1 million years ago. These rules are rules in just about every bar in america. Eating behing the bar looks ugly and takes time away from serving the customers. See the way you do this is you eat dinner right before your shift. Wow , my IQ is so high to figure that out! Well Aaron pleaded your case last night. So I gave in because god knows I wouldn’t want any of my girls to be upset. So listen up my little princesses. The day girls can bring in lunch and eat it before 4 pm. And the night girls can bring in a power bar and eat it quickly outside of the view of customers. “Jacqui, if you are reading this. I will understand your disgust.” In the immortal words of Jesus (since it is lent) “They know not what they do.”

posted by Liliana @ 11:08 AM

Thursday, March 04, 2004

” Lil you should do this. Lil you should do that.” Let me give an example of crap that people say. In New Orleans we are required by the Veuix Carre commision ( local historic organization) to have a sign that is a certain size. It can not be any bigger. I think I hear at least 2 times week that I should have a bigger sign. In NY the regulars think they own the place they actually tell the girls that they should do more of this or act more like someone else. It can get very annoying. As regards to the girls, I don’t want them all to be the same that would be boring. Are some girls better then others? Abso- fucking-lutely, but the really good ones are hard to find. And the new ones just need a little time to grow. The funny comments are ” Lil you should really fix the floor in NY.” That makes me laugh because I just spent $19,000 fixing the fucking floor and it still looks like shit. Everyone knows that NY is my favorite of all the bars. It’s my first one and it will always be special, but let me tell you every fucking day something goes wrong there. Pipes bursting, landlord bitching, bar collapsing. Well people to really fix up that bar would cost a shit load of money and I say fuck it. Plus I don’t want to do anything that helps the landlord. Making it nicer will just give him encouragement to get me out and get someone else in. Although nobody is quite as stupid as me paying that fucking ridiculous high rent. He knows I don’t want to relocate the bar so he has me over a barrel. Well I can bitch about this all day. I got 2 letters today one letter saying how great the Austin bar is and one letter saying it sucks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This one guy said that they can never get his drink right. What the fuck is he ordering? There are quite a few very accomplished bartenders there. He’s just bitching just to bitch. My advice to him: Order a beer and a shot ( Crown straight up), Drink it , then sit down shut the fuck up and have some fun.
I was just in Austin the other night. The girls did a very good job. Parker making a come back. Good for you Parker!! Tiffany trying hard. And JJ is my diamond in the rough. She is hot, a good bartender, and hilarious. Some of the other girls came in to visit, Gloria, Katie, Strong Island. A lot of good people there. I feel bad I did not recognize some of the bouncers. Sorry guys. But I have to say New Orleans guys watch out the Austin guys are pretty good. But it could be that the TABC and the fire marshall come in every night. You know what I say ” Bring it ON!!!” Marshall’s all over it. This is our business and we run a very tight ship. Now on the other side of that, I was there when the fire marshall came in the other night. Some very good looking officers. Girls make sure you get them to come in on their off time. Very cute!

posted by Liliana @ 1:12 PM

Wednesday, March 03, 2004

Last night a good soul left this earth. Henri a long time bouncer from New Orleans died last night. A sweet kindperson. There are no words to describe the pain I know his friends and family are feeling. Our little bar just lost a brother. I mean this with all of my heart ” Henri , rest in peace.”

posted by Liliana @ 2:48 PM

Tuesday, March 02, 2004

So I’m about to hire a new guy, on the corporate level, to do some big scale marketing. This guy is unbelievably smart and very hardworking. But my god, he never laughs and even calls my lawyer , Jeff, Mr. Wiseman. Kevin and Lee are a bit jealous because I speak so highly of this guy. It really is kind of refreshing to call someone about business and just talk business. No lip like I get from the other guys. Well I have been dealing with this guy for a few months and we have been working on a project that involves the WWE. So yesterday he calls me and tells me that to get this certain wrestler into the NY bar not only do I have to pay him a large fee but I have to fly him and his girlfriend in first class. Of course , I was outraged by the cost so I gave an alternate solution. ” Look tell this guy to leave his girlfriend at home. I’ll fly him out first class and if we hit a certain number at the bar I’ll have sex with him.” After months of working with this guy, I finally heard him laugh. This better not have opened up the floodgates. I hope he doesn’t start calling me in the middle of the night with all his girl problems like Kevin and Lee.
On another note Jeff confessed to me the otherday, that he is just like houseboy. He cleans as therapy. Kevin is definitely getting nervous about our Dubai trip. I said ” what are you worried about? I’m the one who will have to wear a long sleeved dress and cover my head and face. ” Actually Dubai is supposed to be very cosmopolitan. Let’s see. Maybe I’m getting alittle nervous too. Well today I’m off to Austin. Marshall is going a little nuts. He has been putting in 70 hour weeks at the bar. Yesterday he told me that some customer was bitching and whining about his mother. Normally a manager will lend a sympathetic ear or just strategically walk away. No Marshall said to this guy ” for $5,000 you can have her wacked.” Nice job Marshall!!

posted by Liliana @ 6:04 AM

Monday, March 01, 2004

So I just got an e-mail from someone who has opened a Coyote Ugly in another part of the world. Not only does he have the nerve to contact me but he wants me to review his website. My god, that is like pins under my finger nails. Why not come over here hire my best girls, steal Jacqui’s choreographed dances, and then have a child and name him Jackson. That would just make my fucking day!!! How about you fly me over and I’ll bartend for you since in essence all my work is making you money anyway. Oh I would love to help you. Perhaps you need a bone marrow transplant and low and behold I am the only match donor. All I can say ” Cold Day in Hell”
Austin girls, I will be in the bar on Tuesday night. Be there so I can impart all my wisedom onto you. I’m going to be spending some time with Marshall and the new assistant manager Michelle. Austin Sunday night girls ” You rock”. Esther I am so proud that you stuck with Coyote. See you guys tommorow. KJ from Tampa just e-mailed me, the Tampa bar is doing great. I am very happy about that!!!

posted by Liliana @ 11:35 AM

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