This week I have been feeling a clarity that I don’t think I have ever felt. And I have been feeling it in all aspects of my life. To give an example, Trey told me some of the ideas he had for Jackson’s Christmas present. The first two ideas Trey had were 1. Knife and 2. BB gun. My first thoughts were ” what the fuck? I don’t want my son freaking killing himself with a knife or a BB gun”. But I didn’t freak out or even voice my concern. I just said to Trey, ” honey when you were young your grandpa always used a knife. He used it for work he used it to whittle things. It was as essential for him as my keys are for me. So when you were little and he gave you your first knife he taught you how to use it. And you already had a healthy respect for it by watching him. On the other hand, Jackson has never been around people who use knives for anything else then cutting food, so I don’t think he would even know what to use the knife for. And as far as the BB Gun goes , you would have to be around enough to teach him because I have never ever used one so again I couldn’t teach him . ” I have learned so much from dating Trey. The biggest thing I have learned is that as much as I don’t want to admit it, I have stereotyped people with different upbringings then me. Last year I had a revelation about Mosey Oak ( camouflage) products. I was visiting Trey’s mom and went into the local Tractor store where Trey worked as a kid and I saw Mosey Oak Christmas wrapping paper. Mosey oak designer shoes. Mosey oak calendars. It hit me like a freaking bolt of lightening!! Bam people are representative for how they grow up. Just because I grew up in a NY style fashion doesn’t mean everybody else did and doesn’t mean one person is better then the next. I drove home from Trey’s place, which is 3 hours from my house today. On the road there were all these Christmas stands selling fireworks. I had no idea that fireworks were so popular as Christmas presents. Again, I didn’t grow up around that but the fact that there were so many of these stands means that other people did. So my goal is to stop judging things that are alien to me. I don’t foresee myself hunting , wearing Mosey Oak, or being a focus of an episode of My Big Fat Redneck Wedding, but I want to try and understand that those things represent a certain culture!
There are so many other things I have become clear on. And when I say this, I mean my own feelings. Recently, a few things are going on in Coyote world. And I realized, wow I take all the risk in Coyote Ugly. In the last 17/18 years if the rent is late , if there is a lawsuit, even a bad review, its all my risk. And the risk is two part. If one of the bars is low funds I lend the bar money. Others get bonuses and some years I don’t. I have to defend the company from lawsuits both personally and financially. And if there is something bad that is said it always coincides with my name. Regardless, there has been a whole lot more good then bad but I am at a point of clarity where I can isolate my feelings on some things that have gone on.
I am feeling very thankful for a lot of things. I dont have a lot of friends but the few I have are incredible. And really the best thing is my son. Wow I am blessed!!