Past Lil Spills

Liliana Lovell, Coyote Ugly Saloon Founder

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2013
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2009

July 31, 2013

Yes I am again painfully trying to pretend I am on vacation. Well today has been a parent’s nightmare. The digital classes that Jackson signed up for have been horrible. In fact the classroom lost electricity most of Monday and part of Tuesday. So today I had him come to swim training in the Pacific with this coach. What a mistake.It was very cold today. About 65 and very overcast. The water temperature was 64 degrees which is fairly cold for swimming. We both wore wetsuits and the coach made us swim out to get used to rough, cold conditions because in his words ” a real triathlete” needs to be ready for anything. ( dude I am doing a triathlon in Destin, fl. Water temp today was 85). So it was really cold and the water was very rough. Jackson was miserable. Honestly it’s two sided. The coach is very serious, really no humor at all. And Jackson was a bit shy about getting in and out of his wetsuit in front of so many people. So when the kid’s unhappy it means the parent is unhappy. Urgh. Then I come home to relax and read the news when low and behold there is an article about another F word I am not supposed to be saying in front of my child and that word is “FAT”. I call myself a fatass all the time. HIs dad will joke with Jackson ” get your fat ass off the couch and do the treadmill.” Jackson will joke with me ” Mom your fat butt is more buoyant in the water then mine. Maybe if Jackson was chunky I would curb that word but he is lean with broad shoulders. He has been raised to be kind to people, I know he would never call anyone fat. In the article this woman talks about her various children being of different shapes and sizes. I know I will get hell for this but is the underlying problem not that getting called fat hurts their confidence but that as parents if we watch their diet and exercise they would not have weight issues? Hence not being put in a position to get called fat? Fine I will try and curb the word fat but that might mean the other F bomb comes out a bit more frequently .

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July 30, 2013

I had a ball at the San Antonio anniversary party. The whole staff was incredible. They had a Michael Jackson and a Dolly Parton impersonator. Fun. But I really enjoyed the dance off between one of the bouncers , Antwon, and one of the bartenders, Bounce. Antwon was good but Bounce schooled him. She may be one of the best dancers in the company . Outstanding. Marsha put her heart and soul into the anniversary. Chantel and Lauren , wow the girls rocked!
I am in La Jolla with Jackson. He’s enrolled in a digital media camp. Unfortunately they had no electricity for half the day which ruined his experience. God I hope they get their act together tomorrow . I already have that dread of ” we want a refund” talk bubbling. Also teenagers dwell on the negative things. Urgh. Well on a positive note I swam in the Pacific Ocean today with a triathlon coach. I had to wear a wetsuit because the water was freezing. Sea lions were swimming right next to me. When you get over the first bit of surprise it was so incredibly powerful. As I am writing , sitting in this warm condo, listening to music , I am realizing I may not be painting an accurate picture. I sucked! Really I sucked! Lol I swallowed so much salt water and had to keep stopping. The coach , he’s very nice but very serious. ” miss Lovell there is something very wrong with your breathe technique.” Could it be that I swallow water every time I try to take a breathe? Regardless, I may have sucked but I did it! I swam about 700 meters in the frigid Pacific Ocean! That’s a win in my book. I high fived him when we got out of the water. I could see his surprise ” why is this woman happy about sucking?” I said to him ” I didn’t drown and I swam near sea lions! Awesome”. I saw the switch turn in his eyes ” owe she just wants to finish but not be good. ” lol. Well tomorrow he wants to see me run since according to him , my run times are horrible. I will let him feel good by putting me through the ringer. On land I won’t die , hopefully.
Big decisions on the calendar cover. Tough call

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July 24, 2013

Anna from the NY bar was on the Andy Cohen show last night. Awesome. I think it aires on Sunday evening.
My sister and I are scrambling to try and get things in place for my parents. I just erased the page long rant on the position they have left us in. This should be a time of peaceful reflection with my dying dad instead we are spending hours on calls with lawyers, collection agencies, and funeral homes. My dad did not specify anything so we were even argued about urns. My sister’s stance is “why spend so much money on an urn if it will eventually get buried?” My issue is ” I don’t feel good spending less money on my Dad’s urn then my Dog’s”.
Heading to San Antonio. Wine and steak with Chantel and Marsha.

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July 22, 2013

Memories of being a floor manager. I just read some of Jess’s ( Austin AM) frustrations with the girls .lol

“1.Why are you standing still, and what are you starring at…or thinking
about? Are you thinking about how packed we are? Wondering how many people
need a drink and are starring back at you wondering if you even work here?
2.Are you a singer? Seriously though…do you think you are?
3.If you won’t shake it for Luke Bryant, who will you shake it for…will
you shake it for your job?
4.Might you be interested in letting me show you our merch selection
incase you would like to sell a t-shirt at some point?
5.Do you handle being overwhelmed by standing by your register and dancing
by yourself or humping the air? If so, might you bartend instead of me and
I can dance and hump the air?
6.When we are packed with ladies…why is nobody on the bar with you doing
the wobble, do they prefer the cupid shuffle? When we do get ladies on the
bar for wobble, why does 3 out of 6 coyotes feel the need to wobble all of
the sudden?
7.How many cups can you kick before you think to pick one up? Which leads
me to my next question…why are we low on cups? Anyone?
Things that will keep me up tonight, thought I’d share”

I added a few
1. Did we make a structural mistake building the back bar so you need to lean on it all night to hold it up?
2. When it took you 4 tries to button your jean shorts and your belly was hanging over the waistline of those shorts were you thinking ” damn I look good”
3. Is your memory so poor that you really can only take one drink order at a time?
I could go on all night. Lol

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July 20, 2013

I went into my dad’s office and brought all of their bills home with me. What a disaster. They have nothing. I can’t imagine going into retirement with NOTHING! Bills upon bills unpaid. Married for 56 years and they have seperate checking accounts and all their bills are seperate. For god sakes , Jackson’s dad and I still have a joint account for Jackson’s school bills etc. They are a real life example of what NOT TO DO with your finances. I would like my dad to die knowing he is completely debt free. And I would like to make sure my mom is in a better financial position. Why do they keep giving her credit cards? It’s going to be hard for her. But my dad will pass away and I am going to have to cancel all of her credit cards because of her irresponsibilty with them. My sister is sickened by my mother’s spending but no lesson will be learned by my mother. They are so lucky that my sister and I have done alright in life. We both could of ended up in very different positions.
People do different things when they are stressed. I eat chocolate. I have been eating bags of chocalate morsels. I saw Jackson going into the pantry the other day eyeing the open chocolate bag. ” don’t even touch it !” Sorry but it’s my prefered method of coping right now.
San Antonio anniversary on Thursday. That’s always a crazy one.
Marsha has booked Chantel, myself, and herself massages on Wednesday. I can’t wait.

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July 17, 2013

I am visiting my parents. My dad has terminal cancer and hospice has come in for his final months. These are excepts of our conversations.
Dad ” jackson looks more like you then Tony”
Mom ” but he has Tony’s eyelashes”
Dad ” but he still looks more like Liliana”
Mom” but thank god he’s got Tony’s lashes”
New topic
Dad ” why didn’t you bring your big marine boyfriend ?”
Me” we broke up almost a year ago.”
Dad ” I liked Trey. Wait , almost a year ago. So why didn’t you bring your new boyfriend.”
Me ” well I have gone on a million dates but no one long term.”
I then decided to lighten the mood by telling them about some of the funny dates I have been on.
Dad ” did the helicopter guy take you up in his helicopter?”
Me ” no dad”
Dad ” what’s the point of the story then?”
Mom ” how young was the super young guy you went out with.”
Me ” in his twenties”
Mom ” thank god you are exercising . You really need to wear more makeup if you are going to date that young.”
Me ” I will take that under advisement.”
Mom ” I want you to date a sugar daddy. You know I need a new knee replacement.”
OMG

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July 15, 2013

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My friend Leslie rocked the Tough Mudder!
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Kevin claimed he ate 16 Marines before breakfast and the scale confirmed it!

Text from Jess. ( who by the way kicked ass at the Tough Mudder. Truly fearless)
“Lil I tripped over my flip flop and almost broke my face on the sidewalk because I can’t lift my own leg higher than 5 inches and my reflex is just not quick enough to save me, I screamed like a bitch lol my body is paying me back lol” when asked how she trained for the Tough Mudder her response was ” I cut down on Mountain Dews.” Well I am sure her body is aching today! Lol
Yesterday while running at the 8 mike mark, Jeremy and I were jogging and chatting. At this point we were exhausted and freezing to the core from all the cold water events. ” why can’t we do the Bahamas Tough Mudder or the Tough Mudder Turks and Caicos? ” ” where is the jog to the hot tub and get a delicious alcoholic beverage obstacle ?” Jeremy actually left his wife’s phone number with the film crew if anything happened to him. He rocked yesterday. Really went all out. Honestly the whole team did well. Proud of everyone .

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July 14, 2013

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2nd Tough Mudder accomplished! We started out with 22 people on our team but because of the Kiev opening and injuries only 17 people showed up yesterday . ( and Mac missed 2 planes. I won’t even speak about that ) completely different experience then the Las Vegas Tough Mudder. The terrain in Tahoe was brutal. The first 5 miles were up hill. We had to walk a lot of it because of how steep the inclines were. After about 3 miles I acclimated to the altitude but there was so much dust in the air. I swear I felt like a coal miner with black lung. Definitely a much rougher course. But the Las Vegas Tough Mudder had harder obstacles ( except electric eel). Wondering if lawsuits made them change some of the obstacles ? By the way ,getting shocked in the forehead while crawling in muddy water really hurts.
Really proud of our team! We came in almost last and we took almost 7 hours to complete the course but everyone did their best. It was so inspiring! I am proud of everyone .

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July 13, 2013

Tough Mudder race day! Yesterday our team started filing in. We hired a film crew to document our Adventure. We did pre race interviews yesterday. Omg I am still laughing from Jess’ interview.
It is going to be a rough day. We received the list of obstacles and the course route. The first 5 miles are completely uphill. I just stepped outside. It’s freezing today. Urgh! I am now completely dreading the freezing water obstacles! Thank god our race time is at 11:40 am. Hopefully it will get warmer!
Kevin and Jackson have a new favorite you tube video. I think it should be our rally song. Just insert The name Kevin into the chorus , http://youtu.be/571BuZeeQjE

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July 11, 2013

I woke up this morning to a text message from Daniel ” you are the best boss on the planet.” And a call from Kristina ( head bartender Key West) thanking me for choosing her to go to the Ukraine and telling me that she will see me at the Sandestin Triathlon. What a beautiful way to wake up. My new bar in Kiev rocked last night . And the beautiful words from Daniel and Kristina are heartwarming. Kristina took two weeks vacation . Daniel must of gotten on her about it and guilted her into a possible entry into the triathlon . Lol
Today Jackson and I are heading to Tahoe for the Tough Mudder. Lee and I got both his step daughter Daisy and Jackson spectator tickets to watch us compete. Jackson can’t wait to see us jump into the Arctic Enema.
Today I am going to work on bringing food into the Key West bar. Not my specialty .

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July 10, 2013

Lee: ” I hope none of us get altitude sickness in Tahoe”
Me: ” I will bring my oxygen machine”
Lee: ” WTF”
Me: ” I saw it in sky mall. I couldn’t resist.”
Daniel just sent pictures of the new bar in the Ukraine. My god its beautiful. They always do such a nice job. This is when I wish there was teleportation. Beam right to the opening.
There is a forest fire somewhere in the vicinity of Tahoe. Supposedly it wont effect the Tough Mudder. Working on Mexico a little bit today. Let’s see what happens.
Why can’t I just go shopping and drink martinis like most adult women? All these competitions are killing me. 1. My body always aches 2. It’s becoming a job organizing training, events, and nutrition ( Hell no , I am not giving up wine) 3. I am hemorrhaging money. For the last month I have been obsessed with finding the perfect sports bra. I have bought no less then 20 in the last month hoping to find one that is the true big breasted woman’s savior in the triathlon. Sadly, I am still searching.

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July 10, 2013

Kiev Coyote Ugly opening. How exciting!! I will go there in September. The american staff should be there by now. Can’t wait for Daniel to report back. Good luck Kiev!!!
Tough Mudder this Saturday. Its going to be a fun group going there.

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July 8, 2013

Congrats Ernie on your brand new son, Samuel. A beautiful family.
Back to work. Kevin and I found a great spot in San Diego for Coyote. Lets see if we can nab this one before someone else does.
I am confused by the managers saying ” great night” then I open the log to see horrific numbers. Now I do put importance on effort, but great night means better numbers. Is this like an April fool’s joke? I still haven’t opened all the logs from the last few days. In New Orleans there was Essence fest which means the bar sucked. I should probably open those first because the other bars have got to be better. NY is one of the steadiest bars in the system. Lets just say I was shocked by last nights horrific numbers. ” where’s Ashton. I must be getting punked.”
Ok heading home today. Ready to see my little man.

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July 7, 2013

Bam Kevin and I ran a half marathon today in San Diego. When I say Bam, don’t think that I feel strong and powerful. I am exhausted and I am limping, seriously. My time for 13.2 miles was 2 hours and 16 minutes. I am very fucking pleased with that. I ran the first 10k at 59 minutes. So I was doing well , for me. I hit mile 9 and I was struggling. I was trying to pace myself behind these girls who were wearing tootoos with thongs. I was pacing myself watching their butts bounce mile after mile. I don’t give a shit how fit you are, the bare butt running doesn’t look very good. Just my opinion.
When we started out Kevin was ahead of me. Somewhere between mile 10 and 11 Kevin came from behind me to join me. ” Kevin, didn’t you finish already?” He said that early on he cramped up and I had been ahead of him for most of the race. He was using me as his pacer from behind. ” so I actually beat you the first 10 miles?” Awesome!! He was nice and ran the rest of the race by my side so that my clocked time would be faster even though he could of definitely passed me by.
Is it weird that I now want to watch myself run in a thong in the mirror to see how badly my butt looks from behind?
We are mother fucking powerhouses. Next week Coyote Ugly hits the Tough Mudder in Tahoe. ( dont think I Havent noticed the pathetic numbers from some of the bars this weekend.

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July 5, 2013

Most of the bars sucked last night. According to my standards . ” really you needed one more girl ? Is your staff handicapped and can’t serve more then ten people all night ?” When I look at the numbers and see comments like that I think 2 things 1. If you are a manager get behind the bar and help out! 2. You need to teach your girls how to bartend better because a chimp can be by themselves doing a better job.
San Diego is beautiful . But I have done exhaustive research and the two public schools in the New Orleans area are ranked quite high nationally. And my son’s private school has many more accreditations then any school out here . Go figure ? Jackson’s dad just called me ( 50times) ” Liliana your goal is for Jackson to go to Berkley for college . I will fucking kill myself if we stay in New Orleans . I will research an incredible school in SD”

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July 4, 2013

Woke up today and I said to myself ” stop being so ridiculous. Get your ass back to the airport and head to San Diego. So low and behold I am on a layover in Atlanta right now. ” Kevin you want to do a half marathon in SD on Sunday? ” He’s in! Haven’t run more then 2-5 miles in months so I have 3 days to train. Lol it’s called the superheroes costume half marathon. What should I wear? A d what should I convince Kevin to wear? Told my son’s dad that I just registered for this event and I am a bit concerned that I haven’t trained and there will be hills. ( no hills in New Orleans). His response. ” you are a psycho. Psycho trumps hills”

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July 3, 2013

Vacation canceled. Lol. Ok perhaps a work cation . Oh boy

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July 3, 2013

Ok vacation is not off to a good start. I booked Jackson to fly to Raleigh to visit my family. I booked US Air, worst airline ever. We get to the check in desk and they inform me that they only allow an unaccompanied minor on direct flights so he can’t go because he has a connection . ” so why the fuck did you sell me the ticket?” So I had to scramble to get him on another flight. But he is going through Orlando and now I am nervous. Now my flight is delayed and I won’t make my connection . I may just belly up to the bar at this point.
Now the positive is that everyone has acknowledged my vacation except for Kevin. But I expected that . He’s only called me twice . Lol guess what Kevin , if I don’t make my connection in Atlanta I am coming over. Better have some wine ready!” Tough Mudder next week

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July 1, 2013

You are fucking kidding me? Went out to dinner with Chantel. We had steak. Drank some wine . Talked about our kids. She even paid the check. Bam laptop comes out of her bag. ” I thought maybe you would want to look at some of the calendar pics.” I was totally hoodwinked!!! Then she said ” we only have to do a few girls because Lee gave me till July 15th. What? YOU ARE FUCKING KIDDING ME? He was On my ass every Fucking day and he gives her weeks. Unfucking believable !

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July 1, 2013

Has the apocalypse happened? I received an email from Daniel basically saying “I know how it feels to be burnt out. I will only call you if everything is perfect ( so that’s a definite NO CALL) or one of the bars burns down ( please no jinx).” Actually nice to get a nice message from him. It took a long time but Daniel and I are very close now. He’s family. Our Russian partners had changed the Ukraine bar opening several times. While the guilt weighs heavy on me I am not going to the actual opening. I will go in September instead. Daniel and the american staff will have fun. My god they are always so gracious to us. They take us to dinner. We go out for drinks. Jeff and I usually like touristy events. We even went to a strip club in St Petersberg. And last but not least they even buy Daniel McDonalds. Good Luck, have fun.

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